Short post about the main lessons, that I learned during this long and amazing year. The concept of insight means something that stroke your mind at some point, may be an idea that you used to know, but totally forgot in the totally busy schedule of the life. Not to forget the diamond thoughts, this year I bought a small notebook, where I tend to write a couple of lines to keep the most amazing things in memory. Believe me or not, but this is the only way to reuse your insights later, to share them or to use them to write a book in the future! What I really like about the insights, as they are personal – adjusted for you, short – several sentences not to make that a burden, striking and amazingly powerful. Most of my insights were born during the communication with people. People have much to say, and some of their ideas are diamonds that you have to notice. So here are my diamond-insights:
- Clarity in our mind is the result of hard work of answering unsolved questions. Unless you dont resolve what are your values, your ethics, your preferences in life you will be blown much by the winds of people, who know what they want. That is why it is worth asking yourself and discussing with other people your picture of the world and to establish the most vital rules of your life. Rules created by you! It is very exciting journey to make that list of rules, that you do your best to follow. No country would ever survive without the set of laws, the same applies to our individual life. Rules can express as well the things that you will not ever do in your life: “hit the child”.
- We can not learn from people, unless we are tuned to hear something good from them. That is why many people listen so attentively the speech of famous and successful people and pay much less attention to the others. Not fair, is not it. It means that we decide in advance the level up to which we perceive the information: weather we are ready to be engaged fully in the conversation or not. I tend to remember those diamond thoughts from people around me, knowing that everyone has something to say very precious, you just have to wait a bit.
- Emotional intellect can only be the result of communication with people. If you want to be more comfortable with people, get to know new people. After knowing thousands of people, you better understand what to expect from the 1001, as we tend to be similar, be slightly groupped according to our values. Emotional intellect is the ability to interpret the notice what is happening inside and outside with other people and to interpret that correctly.
- Systems where people are united by the common interest and bring support is the best way to grow. Being involved in the community with similar interests can increase your speed significantly, even if you think you can not proceed anymore. It is called pushing the limits. This year Galiya Berdnikova business-woman community “ZBU” has given me a lot of inspiration and tools to grow. Galiya is the perfect example of the woman who can make things clear in her mind and business. I really recommend you to check her russian blog http://womenbz.ru/.
- The last thing to do is to start accusing people in case of things going wrong. In most of the cases they are doing the best they can and your task is to help them help you by listening of their version and situation explanations. We are expecting much and sometimes are not ready to hear the rules and conditions of real business. I am using this rule on a regular basis and almost never get angry when the things are not going in the way, I expected. I have to confess that in the beginning of January after laser eye operation, I was very nervous not to get the desired results and expressed my unsatisfaction to the doctors of the clinic. In half of the year, the doctors turned out to be right and my vision has stabilized.
- Judgements of other people is mostly the result of your childhood traumas. We see in other people, that we see in ourselves. E.g., I can notice people being busy, as at times I can be busy myself. The word busy can be replaced by any other characteristics, like “selfish”, “rude”, etc. So your judgements of other people can show you what are the things to work with and what you dont really accept yourself.
- Group all the work, that is similar. This year, I had a trouble with 2 projects and was trying to reserve couple of hours per each during the day. This did not work for me, as getting into the process as well takes time. Later I have changed the strategy towards doing 1 project for several days and noticed a tremendous results, as I had actually time to go deeper and to make a progress. The same applies to replying messages, email. In addition, I started to do hackatons with my students where couple of days they have dedicated only to my project and the results were much more prominent and visible.
- Walking before the sleep for 1 hour was the best practice I could imagine. During this 1 hour I could remember and reflect on the things happened, the things to consider on the fresh air. My skin was super happy, my body and my mind was cleaned during this 1 hour of reflection to be ready to sleep. More here in this article: http://muzaluiza.ru/making-commitments-as-a-way-to-introduce-a-habit/
- Deepest and nicest relations require mutual giving from both sides. It is all that simple if both people are mature. Just be ready to give as much as you can, but dont try to require much. You all know that situation when the wife can ask “Do you love me?” 10 times per day, but that seems like pulling the love out of the husband, rather than giving what you can. We can not get much more than we give, so dont be surprised by the shortage of love, just make a first step yourself. “Buddha and Love” by Ole Nedal (http://buddhaandlove.com/) was my favourite book about relationships this year, very deep and budhist approach is really deeply caring.
- We can break promises given to ourselves, but much more difficult to break promises given to others, especially whom we respect. I gave a couple of promises this year to my dearest friends to introduce new habits and I could introduce my walking routine and improve eating habits. Losing weight by 5 kilos up to 55 did not work for me for 3 years until I gave a promise.
- Most of the people dont need advices, they need listening and us telling nice stories, joking and smiling. Relaxation is number one in the modern world. By listening and keeping our advices silent, we can heal people, told Thich Nhat Hanh to Opra : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyUxYflkhzo
- Simplify all the routines, that can be done without much of your thinking. This way you can give the space to something more meaningful. My morning routine consists of simple meals, shopping usually takes place once per week. I never spend more than 1 hour on cleaning as prefer to keep my room clean by default. May be checking out the clothes takes more time, but I combine that with educational videos on the background.
- One person can be wrong. Three people are less probable to be wrong at the same time. Be ready to share and explain your situation, ask advice from people, who succeded, and this way you can be much more steady in life and avoid bad cases. Being able to discuss your case with other appropriate people is a blessing and together you can always go further than alone. Check the concept of MasterMinds here http://www.thesuccessalliance.com/what-is-a-mastermind-group/.
- Introduce a practice of writing down your short insights and you will have an opportunity to go back and retrive your learned wisdom whenever you want.
What are your insights this year?
After holding the seminar Morning Routine, I took my friend’s hand and told him: ‘Can you promise me to start using one thing from our seminar?’ As I deeply appreciate Sayantan, I wanted him to take some benefit from it.
‘For the next 2 weeks I will wake up in the morning, drink a glass of water and do a small set of exercises,’ said Sayantan, smiling, but not truly understanding what he committed for.
At the same time, I felt weird not promising something in return, so I promised in my turn to make a 40 minute walk before going to bed every day. Why it was specifically a 40 minute walk, I can not remember now :/
First day Santa was really excited to wake up at 5.00 a.m., but an hour later he fell back asleep and came to work only at 10 a.m. Nevertheless, I supported and encouraged him to continue, but instead suggested that he shift waking-up time more gradually The following few days some things did not work out for him , but he managed to make a permanent habit of drinking a glass of water with lemon juice and doing stretching exercises.
More importantly, the promise I gave him affected me even more. It was a spontaneuous decision to walk before going to bed. At present I consider that to be one of the most powerful routines. Two weeks turned into a continuous routine that is replaced occasionally with other activities related to sport or seeing people dear to my heart .
First of all, a brisk one-hour walk outdoors in the fresh air gives you the time to plan the next day and to reflect on the ending day. Being thankful for the day you had is a really something to treasure. I believe that every day we have should be celebrated in the evening. Remembering hard work we did, people we helped, emotions we felt, goals we achieved brings an extremely pleasant feeling that your life is good!
Of course, not all the days are sunny. Still there is always something to be thankful for. Furthermore, the place where I walk inspires me: the bay area in Keilaniemi, Espoo, is the residence of hundreds of companies, including Microsoft. They even have their own helicopter pad, near the shore of the Baltic sea that is usually my furthest destination to reach.
Secondly, walking builds up your body, is gentler on the knees compared to running and makes the skin breathe! No cream will make your skin white and your cheeks pink like walking does! People spending time outside in the fresh air tend to have a better skin. In addition, due to walking I lost several kilos that were hard to lose! That was a great reward.
Thirdly, I spend this sleepy time before going to bed in the nicest way I could imagine. Computer as an alternative does not give much benefit at this time, when you only have the energy to browse passively. Evening time is time for socializing and at times I meet my closest friends that make me forget about all the routines..
My clever friend Sergio found another reason for walking. He told me that walking gives time for slow and calm processing of one’s emotions and thoughts that have accumulated over the day. Indeed, during the day lots of thoughts are accumulated and one of the biggest reasons for not being able to sleep is having the continuous endless flow of thoughts. Some people read before going to bed. Some drink warm milk. Some meditate. All these are the ways to bring your mind to a quiet mode ready to sleep. Quietness comes after ordering your thoughts, letting some of them go. It can not be done just by lying on the bed before going to sleep. What would be your way of ending the day: walking, meditating, conversations with the dearest, a sauna, a book is up to you and the circumstances.
People intrinsically try to follow high expectations set by the society and show a better image of themselves. In such an environment showing your strengths is considered to be an advantage, and that is a reason why people might respect and love you. In theory.
In practice, while trying to look perfect we loose the opportunity to grow, to learn and to receive a tremendous feedback from people around. Ask yourself: will anyone give you a hand without you telling about the problem openly? Of course, no.
Secondly, it is much more difficult to build close relations without being vulnerable and sharing openly yourself. Vulnerability implies the opportunity of being hurt by opening and this concept was studied in detail by Brene Brown: http://brenebrown.com/. For people with their hesitations, problems, sad moments occuring sometimes it is easier to connect with the others. Because we all share some difficult moments, hearing someone having the same experience echoes in our hearts: “Exactly, I had the same feeling, how can I understand you!”.
Being vulnerable is unsecure and I have to admit, we should select to whom we open. Brene Brown suggests to choose those people, who will not fall into depression with you, but rather can empathize. Empathizing means the acceptance in all its meanings, accepting everything as it is without strict judgement. I would not share my weekness with the one, who starts to judge me saying, “I told you, you should have done it differently”.
My life has become much more harmonic, when I increased sharing my difficulties with people around. I feel myself more authentic and real, not spending the energy for keeping those akward memories only inside of my head. Only now I realize, why some people considered me not to be open enough and why it was difficult to make a deeper connection at times. Still, despite of mentioning weeknesses, I stick to the prevalence of positive attitude and readiness to make the actions, as this is the only way to proceed and fulfil your life full of meaning…
Личное. Расскажу о том, как получается прыгать выше своего потолка. Нужно расширять границы своего мышления и начать прислушиваться к людям во круг, к людям, чье мнение в той или иной сфере авторитетно. Да и вообще быть внимательным и учиться от людей, замечая хорошее.
Первым человеком из он-лайн пространства стала Елизавета Бабанова (http://elizavetababanova.com/), необычайно духовная, красивая внутренне и внешне личность, которая срезонировала мне по ценностям. Тогда в 2011 году у ней был свой блог с глубоко продуманными статьями, многие из идей которых поражали меня своей глубиной. Например, вот эта про качество жизни:http://elizavetababanova.com/zdorovye/ot-chego-zavisi.. (Какое топливо в виде информации, еды, образа жизни и окружения мы потребляем, такой же результат стоит ожидать от нас самих) Я познакомилась с её взглядами, мыслями и мои мысли также обновились. Затем я участвовала на программе Феномен Мастерства, где узнала кладесь информации по общению, психологии мастерства, планированию и прописыванию baby steps (маненькие, но супер важные:) Да, я оплатила программу, но взамен получила в сотни раз больше. И продолжаю практиковать такую инвестицию, потому что в итоге наша внутренняя составляющая определяет все. Самое ценное (внутренее состояние радости и счастья, здоровье, хорошее здоровье и т.д.) не купишь, но можно получить путем долгой работы с хорошей поддержкой. Каждый стремится по своему к счастью и идет своим путем.
Я поняла важность развития сферически, что запустив несколько из основных сфер, мы становимся очень уязвимыми, так как слабые сферы больше всего тянут вниз. Лиза назвала эти сферы точками опоры: личные отношения, окружения, профессиональная реализация, личностное развитие, духовное развитие и здоровье. Причем критерии твердости опор довольно высокие. К примеру, окружение включает в себя иметь 3 людей, которым можно позвонить в любое время суток при необходимости, это единомышленники, это эмоциональный интеллект, это умение вдохновлять людей и общаться даже с трудными людьми. Здоровье включает занятия любимым спортом, высокое энергетическое состояние..У меня какие-то сферы проседают, но так как времени ещё много впереди, как раз будем чем заняться 😀
Честно говоря, только начав видеть реальные примеры вокруг, я поняла, что многое в наших силах. Просто не хватает поддержки иногда, но чем чаще окружаешь себя тренерами (Лиза Бабанова) и искренним общением (друзьям моим большой респект, вы клевые), которые показывают, что это возможно, тем больше веры появляются, а вместе с тем находится энергия для осуществления. И когда есть ради чего вставать, то раннее утро будет осознанным шагом и даже приятным..
“Искусство уважать себя” Патриция Спадаро
Я начну именно с этой книги, потому что все начинается с здоровой любви к себе. Именно многим не хватает смелости позаботиться о себе, что в конечном итоге выливается на людей вокруг нас. Без любви к себе люди довольно ранимы и очень чувствительны к действию окружающих. Не идет речь о реальной заботе о близких, а заботе, идущей от чистого и успокоенного сознания.
Патриция в своей книге раскрывает тонкую грань между умением получать и отдавать.
“С самого начала считаю нужным прояснить, что уважать себя не означает баловать себя и поворачиваться спиной к тем, кто в вас нуждается…Понимая свою ценность, вы уважаете, цените и позволяете проявиться всему наилучшему в себе, чтобы потом с душой и щедро дарить это другим”.
Эта книга учит видеть парадоксы между излишним стремлением вкладываться или ждать вечной помощи, и учит находить некое промежуточное решение. В отношениях, например, вы всегда должны уметь позаботиться о себе и не ждать от партнера, что он будет всегда с вами и всегда придет на помощь. Ношу нести должны двое, иначе одному из них, станет невыносимо сложно..
Я люблю эту книгу за наличие восточных притч, за ту силу, которая раскрывает крылья и снимает пелену с глаз. Перечитывала её очень много раз и считаю, что тема уважения к себе и другим сквозит через всю нашу жизнь и влияет на отношения с окружающими людьми.
“Как отдавать и получать” – “Уважать себя и одновременно других. В этом главный смысл”.
Уважая себя, мы позволяем проявиться всему лучшему в себе, чтобы повернуться лицом к людям и начать отдавать им щедро и от души. Отдавай другим, мы и уважаем себя, предназначение сердца и сам смысл своего существования.
Есть такая фраза “Хочешь быть любимой – люби”. Во-первых, это действует в дружбе. Идея сама по себе не нова, но очень сложно делать самому первые шаги. У меня такой принцип: по умолчанию я отношусь к людям с доверием и пониманием. Если звенит звоночек и я чувствую какой-то дискомфорт, начинаю настораживаться и увеличивать дистанцию при необходимости. Но сначала всегда доброе отношение.
Любить легче из состояния наполненности, когда есть что отдать. Настоящая любовь вытекает тогда, когда мы принимаем себя. Тогда нет необходимости требовать постоянно подтверждение любви или часто сомневаться в любви партнера. Тогда будет меньше страха. И даже если так случится, что человек уйдет от вас, в виду каких-либо причин или жизненных обстоятельств, у вас будет опора в уважении и любви себя. В конце концов, мы не можем отвечать на 100% за другого человека. Хотя как правило, отношения распадаются именно, когда один из партнеров не вкладывается или чересчур вкладывается, забывая про личное пространство.
English website: http://www.practicalspirituality.info/About-Patricia-Spadaro.html
The scent of Jasmine flowers comes miles away… Charming flowers usually appear in July, but to keep relations with those this time I took the whole responsibility to make a jasmine tea myself. To enjoy it with green tea in the evenings and to stop the time for a while with a cup of tea.
I got acquainted with Jasmine tea from Ahmad collection. I still buy it and other forms of green tea with jasmine, like pearls (“Jasmine dragon pearls”), quite famous recently among tea lovers. It makes me feel more relaxed, even before going to sleep you can afford yourself a cup of green tea with jasmine.
Among the recommended services that I use for buying tea is alliexpress.com, it is so cold chineese own “ebay”. Of course, when it comes to tea better option would be to rely on this website rather than ebay when leaving in Europe/Asia!
For russian people who do not want to seek for good tea themselves I recommend http://realchinatea.ru/, where the guys made a whole art of selling the tea (not only selling, but organizing tea tours, writing tea blogs,etc). They buy the tea from the trusted people, carefully choose their products to sell and make you 100% enjoy their tea. From their website I get to know that actually some sorts of oolong and green tea should be stored in the fridge! Happily it is not the case for black tea, that can be stored in room temperature.
Keep calm, drink jasmine tea
“Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest thing can happen” Pere Carrol
People have good ability to follow the expectations of other people. This is the simplest scenario to follow: to underperform, when you are not given enough trust. Parents thinking, that their child is not talented enough will not put much effort to open his existing talents and loose many opportunities to grow a clever child. How many times in your life, you were put down and given not enough trust or underestimated? It happened to me, not often, but enough to take the lesson.
My article will be a short personal story, that taught me how to support yourself no matter what others are saying. This is the only way to go forward, before anyone will give you the trust. The trust usually comes later and easier, when you have already proceeded, started to believe in yourself and achieved some results
In the family my father was strict and keeping household when needed. He always thought that the food should have been simple and one should have carefully used the ingredients, not letting any food to be spoiled. Since 14 I started to be deeply interested in cooking and started to cook myself, without any guidance, following the recipes from the internet. I have tried to prepare hand-made wraps, that turned out the first time into hard wraps, that my brother helped me to finish:) Then I continued with the dumplings, that fell apart and became a mix of meatballs and the pastry. I tried to make Tatar “mantu”, that are huge dumplings on the stream. All these attempts were not the perfect from the first time and my father asked me to stop cooking at all. He was telling that I can not cook and I should not waste the ingredients. That time I felt sorry and my motivation for cooking was decreasing. He did not support me at all with my attempts. With time, I stopped noticing his words and continued to cook, getting the pleasure from cooking and believing that I will improve and nobody has the right to stop me. Since 10 years, I am cooking almost by intuition, inventing new recipes with healthy style. If I did not support myself that time, I could lose my passion in inventing new recipes. Still, my father loved me and still loves without any intention to hurt.
This was only one story, but it illustrates the fact, that one to go forward should stop listening discouraging statements, that are not making any good for you. Don’t believe bad predictions and make your own. People are not ideal and it is easy to put down someone and not to find encouraging words. I want to say you, do not give anyone the right to say who you are and what you are worth and what you can. It is up to you to decide.
Imagine you are in the beginning of your career in the business. This time, you are not given much trust probably from the investors and clients. Nobody possibly will support you at the beginning, but to start making a good service, you need to support your belief about your abilities to make that. You need to forgive and to learn from mistakes, to learn how to talk with the client. You need to gain the trust slowly. When you business starts to cherish, you can start getting more support. But at the beginning you had to do it for yourself.
Another tool except supporting yourself, would be to learn to encourage people around you for good changes. To give people slightly higher the credit of trust, so that they will make that true. This way, you can make some wonders happen, by giving someone trust. Yes! Dont except the support from the outside always, but be ready to support people around you! By support I do not say only general words: “You will make it, etc”, but I mean treating people as well, as they are great, interesting and have much to say and do. Believe me, you will notice how their actions slowly will start to match your words.
With love, Luiza <3
How many friends do you have in your facebook list? I would get hundreds, out of which tens matter the most to you. The saddest part is that not always the close friends remember to write you, but as well other friends and acquintances, having slightly more time or willing to chat. You are in the trap to feel yourself social by having random chats and not finding the time for taking the responsibility to write yourself to those, who matter you the most. In other words, it is difficult to keep reacting to the messages you get rather than starting to act yourself.
One of my friends shared his thoughts, that just ruined my intuition about writing only by the inspiration. He was slightly desparate, telling “I thought, that you do not write, because you do not care”. I tried to prove him wrong, later I got to a conclusion, that there is a bit of truth in his words. Hehe, you see, my friends are my teachers. Of course, life is busy and we live our own lives, but one should keep the place for communications, for calls without the reason. There is a balance between living your own life and being social, but keeping the place for several best friends in your heart seems like to right thing to do.
Why do we need to be proactive in keeping with touch with people, we care about? I decided to gather the list of reasons, that make me and you 100% sure, that one needs to take the initiative for starting the communication.
- We need to be ready to give a hand. Without keeping in touch, you may miss the moment to be there for the person. Believe me, sometimes we underestimate how much other person can help with his opinion and support.
- Keeping in touch and spending time together means more happy moments in your life.
- Keeping in touch can be done to share something useful, that means that we try to influence friend’s life in a positive way.
- Keeping in touch means you can build priorities in your life and are able to be with people, you really like. It means your consistency and devotion to the relations. It means you will not having the problem of keeping your family as the priority as well.
- Keeping in touch means you don’t forget social life and your social life is more meaningful, rather than spending time on intertainment or random aquaintances. Goodbye games, hello friends.
- Keeping in touch means thinking outside of your inner world and trying to go out of your shell. It decreases your ego. Hello introvers!
- Keeping in touch means the opportunity to affect the future of your friends by proper discussions and good advices. To reach that spend more time talking about your future desires, and less time about your past. Lera you can do that so good!
- Keeping in touch means living your experiences twice: in real life and while talking about them to a friend. It can mean increasing your happiness by telling about positive experiences. Please do not repeat much difficult experiences, you multiply them by saying them again. Tell them only to people, who can give a constructive feedback.
- Keeping in touch gives a sence of safety. People with good friends feel safer and more courages in life, they overcome obstacles easier. When we are loved and appreciated, self-esteem increases and we try to perform better and keep people’s slightly higher expectations. Praise sometimes your friends, that works for good. The same principle works in family.
No matter, how many friends you have and how often you try to keep in touch, the conclusion is here: you need to be proactive and initiate the meetings, talks and messages. This is the position of caring, proactive and responsible person. Those meetings could be rare, as long as you accept both big gaps, but the quality of spent time together matters. Responsibility for the relations can not be delegated, this is one of our primary tasks and believe me, you will live much more satisfied and fullfilled life with relations, that bring so much meaning to us.
To take the benefit from this article, answer yourself and reflect on these questions:
- Find out who are the people to take care about especially?
- How you could change the content of your talks to enjoy and contribute more to the life of your friend?
- Do you respond easily to the messages of your aquaintances forgetting about the people who matter more to you? If yes, what you could do about it?
“The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me. What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love. Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…Treat yourself well. Cherish others“, – those were the last words of Steve Jobs, perhaps, he is right.
P.S. Thank you, D. for your tough words, they inspired me for this article. The question of keeping in touch was my long dilemma, now the things became clearer to me.
Last year, I started doing my PhD and all student discounts were not provided anymore. I accepted it as a change for the better, as one should not try to save the money all the time, but rather earn the money and spend it wisely.
Lunch at the university provides the students with big portions of food, that I never managed to eat. I used to take only vegetables and meet, or alternatively vegetarian dishes. This formula vegetables plus meet makes you feel awake after the lunch. Those who mix the carbs in a form of potatoes, rice and pasta, feel asleep often, and try to cope with the coffee. As a result productivity and energy decreases heavily after the lunch. Do you feel the same? I am sure, I see the smiles on your faces.
I came up with the idea of preparing the food on my own! The criteria for good lunch were:
- Cooking it fast: the preparation time, involving me should be less than 30 minutes at most
- Containing vegetables and fresh herbs
- Avoiding red meat
- Tasty, yam!
- Using healthy sauces
- Light in calories, but proving me with good nutrition
At first glance, all those requirements seem to be somehow tight. But believe me, they are all taken into account:) I even do not have to plan what to buy in advance, because there is a list of products with floating components, that provide me good nutrition, are tasty and are easily combined.
Let me list some of ingredient groups, I use.
Vegetables: broccoli, cauli-flower, celery, cucumber, tomatoes (organic)
Herbs: rucola, spinach, napolitana mix
Cheese: goat cheese, mozarella, light salad cheese
Sauce: turkish jogurt, guacamole, pumpkin seed oil, walnut oil, coconut creme
Meet & fish : chicken breasts, salmon, perch, ready made fish patties, tuna, turkey
Meet and fish are mostly made in the oven in aluminium foil, that does not require my time at all except mixing with favourite spices
Preparing the food gives me freedom with my eating time and place. When I am busy, I can escape going to the cantine with friends and rather do my work. However, “Never Eat Alone”, as time for comminucation is as important as work time.
When choosing what to cook and not following the recipes, you develop your creativity and intuition in cooking. Believe me, making your own recipies with your needs, gives you even more satisfaction. As you are cooking for your own lunch, you can afford to try and fail, but that will not work with guests:)
The most important point, is feeling yourself more energetic! Those who drink coffee know what I mean. Your state and how you feel, is heavily controlled by the food. So control the food, do not let food control you 😉
And finally I will show you some of my lunch examples! (sweet potato soup and wrap)